LA Life

A little LA-life update. It's all set in now, and it's horrible. So many things constantly play thru my mind. All the trust I gave Tyson is gone. That makes me so sad. I feel so down. And I miss him so much. The him i used to know. I don't recognize him anymore; he's so different with me now. I just don't understand how someone can change so much.
When I'm with people, I can hold it together and forget about it for a while, but alone... I'm a mess. I'm out of the shock stage and into the why, why, why stage. And i'm mad. This is wrong. This is not supposed to happen. Married is for ever. No matter how hard it is. Doesn't he love me?!
But I can't force Tyson, and I won't try to convince him anymore. This is in God's hands. It always has been, but now I'm "letting it be".
I've been working since this happened. I didn't take any time off, as much as I wanted to. I've been living with Grandma and I don't want to leave. She is so amazing, and I don't feel so alone when I'm there. But I don't want to go back and forth every weekend to take care of the dogs every weekend while Tyson visits his family in Kenora. He's moving out Friday and looking for an apartment in winnipeg now. Which is so weird. He's still firm on his decision, and is moving on.
Penny's going to be living with Tyson's sister. *sad*
I'm keeping the house, so I'm keeping my Lola.
I won't be going Full Time with Freckled Nest afterall. Not now anyways. What I wasn't telling you all then, was that I was doing that because Tyson said I was working too much. (Which I was). I was trying to take away one of my jobs so I could spend more time with him. I wasn't ready to go full time, but I knew I had to make some serious changes... he was already thinking about divorce. That was 4 days before he decided to leave. Afterwards, I asked for my job back. (hard!) and they let me back. I'm now working 5 days a week instead of 4. A little less time for Freckled Nest... but I have a house and car (my choice) to pay for by myself now... so I had to. It will all work out though.
My family and friends have been incredible. So much love.
When I move back to the house this weekend, Mom and Amanda are coming over and Mom says we're "turning the music up loud and having a party"..."and we'll CLEAN! Can we purge?" lol..."yes mom". Then they both had an evil giggle. Mom and Amanda's idea of a party is so weird, lol.
I'm okay. I don't know what tomorow holds. And I don't need to. Day by day.
Thanks for all your love guys! You are all so incredible, and your emails, chats, phone calls, comments and hugs are so good! I haven't replyed to them all, because usually, I'm just so tired of thinking and talking about it. But I read every one, and I appreciate your words, love and care. Thank-you!
I know I'm not "myself" (as you know me). I feel like a sad clown. But I am being real. And that's important.


  1. Love you! You're fantastic and you're doing everything right.

    Love, B

  2. hugs and love to you lagator.
    i´m sure you´ll have a funny "party" in the weekend. :)
    take care!!

  3. You are so strong! My heart continues to break every time I read one of your updates...and know that I am praying for you both! Hang in there, God will work everything out! {{{{HUGS}}}}

  4. LA-it takes so much courage to be as open and honest as you have been. know that everyone in this community loves you! ::bear hug::

  5. You are doing things right. I know how you feel - I also feel that marriage is forever. My parents had their major ups and downs, but always stuck it through. I grew up assuming that everyone else veiwed that union as a binding contract, but that is not the case for many. There is so much divorce now, it makes me wonder, why do we even bother with marriage?

  6. Hang in there. Glad you have such a supportive family and sounds like you'll have a good time with your mom and Amanda.

  7. Stay strong. I know this is a difficult time for you. Embrace what matters most right now.

  8. Sending you HUGE hugs ~ I just updated myself through your blog and my heart is sad for you.

    I offer my services to stomp his guts out, if you'd like. *wink*

    Honestly though, and pardon the cliche' (I *hate* cliche's but always use them), things like this happen for a reason. It feels like your heart is being ripped from your chest, I know. I also know, just from your blog, that you will make it through this because of your strength. (Sorry, another cliche' but it's true!)

    My DH and I went through some extremely tough times from September 2005 until the summer 2006. I'd be willing to share with you if you'd like. Then again, nobody wants free advice. *wink*

    Keep on keepin' on girl. You're a rockstar.

  9. We LOVE you Leigh-Ann!!!:)
    I don't want everyone thinking we are having a PARTY, like a party. We just want LA to cheer up a bit, try and get her to forget some of her problems for awhile. And also give her home a different look and make it hers. It's not a stomp on Tyson party.
    Love Momma

  10. Just wanted to send more(((hugs))). Still keeping you in my prayers!

  11. I think that you're doing a great job of handling the situation and being the grown up.

    This'll sound silly, but be sure to burn some sage in the house and get rid of the bad energy. It's the one woo-woo thing I believe in.

  12. why do boys make us cry and break our hearts? why do we let them? i believe too that all that happens, happens for a reason, God's will. no matter how much things totally suck and how messed up you are right now LA, all these things WILL make you a stronger person, renew your faith that things are meant to be ( however they turn out ) and keep on loving LIFE with only the GUSTO that YOU have girl!
    'this too will get better'...

  13. keep on keeping on are doing fantastic!!!!(even if you don't feel like it)

  14. :( Cyber hugs LA. God loves you!! :)

  15. Everyone has already said all the wonderful things I wanted to say so ditto on the first 14 comments -know that you are loved!!!

  16. A cleaning pary is in order at my house about now! haha. have fun. you are brave and strong.

  17. I just started reading your blog connected from flickr and thought I would send a message. Life always is hard, but I take comfort in knowing that God only gives you as much as YOU can handle. I hope you get through this with a smile. You seem like a lovely person whose very creative. Good luck with Freckled Nest!

  18. sweet la.

    i hope that you get some healing this weekend. that your heart brightens a bit. that you see sunshine and love.


  19. Hi Leigh-Ann,

    Always a fan of your pics and creations on flickr, i came across a link to your blog today and i just wanted to say how sorry I am for this and know that my thoughts are prayers are with you. You are a lovely person!


  20. LA, a lot of kisses from the another side of the world!!

  21. Hope you are doing okay -- I read this a little late but you know I am here for you -- call or email with anything LA.

  22. hang in there girl!! So glad you family and friends are there for you.


Thank you for reading. I now blog over at ...if you have any questions, please email me at LA[@]FreckledNest[.]com