My Odyssey: Chapter One

This is the beginning of my odyessy, telling my story as honestly as i can.
*
I'm the oldest of 3 children born very close in age. When I was in grade 3, Amanda was in grade 2 and Kody was in kindergarten. Our street was like the neighborhoods in the movies Sandlot and Now & Then... really safe & wholesome, married parents, laughing children playing, camp-outs in the treehouse, playing afterdark in the street and a small parade of children walking home after school each day. Somehow all the kids were my sister and brothers ages. They let me tag along sometimes but I didn't have one of my own friends. So I'd spend time playing games, building forts, coloring, going to garage sales on our street (and dreaming of the next time we'd have ours), reading, rearranging the treehouse and making clubs that would invite the kids over so I could tempt them to play with me.

I loved kindergarten, the room was magical, there was kids my age and so many things i loved... I still remember my cubby, the laminated signs everywhere, the giant washroom key, my indoor runners, and the different stations of the class room. I felt happy in Kindergarten, I fit in when I was there :)

In Grade one, a girl joined our class (call her Lisa) that hadn't been in our Kindergarten class. She was a big deal to everyone because she was one year older than all of us, she spoke with so much authority, she was a child model and she had older sisters that taught her how to be cool. The dynamic of our class changed a lot that year and it was no longer innocent. She became friends with a girl (call her Nikki) in my class who wore makeup. They likely bonded b/c they were both a little 'older' than the average grade one student and together, Lisa and Nikki were powerful. They established what was in and allowed and all the girls in our class looked up to them, and quit thinking for themselves, myself included. To be friends with Lisa and Nikki really meant something and if you weren't their friend, none of the other girls were your friend either. Silent treatment.

In my elementary school, the 30 students in our classroom stayed together from Kindergarten to Grade 6. There wasn't enough students to make 2 classes so the group was never shuffled and new people were never introduced. The dynamic of the girl clique powered by Lisa and Nikki grew worse year after year.

I desperately wanted to be accepted and have friends and I really looked up to L&N because they had so many! They'd regularly manipulate me to do humiliating things in exchange for their friendship (which was quickly snatched back), called me ugly and they'd regularly talk about me behind my back and even right infront of me. They knew I wouldn't stick up for myself because if you did something against them, NONE of the girls would talk to you and they'd say really mean things to you. I was back and forth as their friend and was really just a puppet, but I was so young and naive, I didn't recognize that. I'd make fun of my sister as attempt to fit in, I brought firecrackers to school trying to be cool, I wore a training bra when i had NO need to; I did everything I could to earn their friendship and acceptance. Recess was the most painful and scary thing, day after day for six years... I prayed for an opportunity to help the teacher during recess just to avoid the confusing and hurtful things the girls would do. This in turn made me look like the teachers pet, which gave them more fuel... but the teacher was the only nice girl in my class... of course I looked up to her!

I spoiled the opportunity for a friendship with my little sister (because of the mean things I said to be cool and I was bossy) and I didn't have a friend to my name, at school or home. I was lonely, impressionable and I felt really useless and sad all through elementary school. In grade 5, while I was on outcast mode, I remember sitting at the side of the schoolyard one day crying hard into my hands. I didn't know if life would ever get better and I didn't know how to express to my parents how bad it was. I just cried.

At home one day (probably around grade 6), I did something disobedient and I deserved a spanking. I was in my room waiting and my dad came in with my mom behind him. I remembered something Lisa had said. I looked my Dad in the eye and firmly said "if you lay one hand on me, i'll call Child and Family Protective Services so fast". I didn't even know what child and family services was, nevermind the power and extreme thing I was saying. My Dad's face sunk, my mom's eye's watered tears immediately. Dad turned around and walked past my mom; I'll never forget the horrible way their faces absorbed what I said. I'd just broken my parents hearts and scared the shit out of them, the only people who really cared about me. I went to my Mom right away to apologize, I realized what I said was realllly bad by their reactions. My mom could hardly talk but she told me that 'they'd take me and my siblings away from them and separate our family if i did that; it's a really serious accusation'. Then she said, your Dad's in the backyard. I found him fiddling with some ladders in a corner of the yard, white as a ghost. He looked up at me with disappointment, confusion and swollen eyes. He didn't know what to say and so he said nothing.

I went to my room and I nearly puked. I could not believe what I'd done and I thought my parents would never forgive me. The house was so quiet that day. There was a knife on my dresser (from eating an apple slice by slice). I crawled into my closet and pressed the paring knife against my wrist. I was just a little girl with no hope, no solution and a big heart full of sadness. It was the loneliest I've ever felt in my life. The only reason I didn't do it, because I didn't want to hurt my parents more.

76 comments:

  1. sweetheart thanks for sharing and u were certainly not in that boat by yourself - i was also in a similar situation & learnt early on that life can be cruel and lonely & we can be our own worst friends
    In Canada & Australia, it seems, life is not that different.
    xoxoxox

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  2. Send you lots of loving because I know how hard that was to share. As a teacher of elementary students (and as a former bullied kid myself) I seek daily to empower those being bullied or manipulated. ((hugs))

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  3. Ugh. I went through something very similar in junior high when I switched from public school to private school. The private school I transferred into had 29 boys and, wait for it, 7 girls that had been in class together since kindergarten. Imagine the dynamic of THAT clique! I endured almost three years of abuse (physical and mental) from those terrible girls. I am so sorry that you went through that sweetie! HUGS!

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  4. reading this I really felt for you and what you went through. I know exactly how you felt because I went through a very similar situation. In year 9 (i was 14) I was made to change schools because my parents and teachers thought I needed to be away from my older sister and become more independant. Once I changed schools I rebelled against my parents, said horrible things to them and my sister and also began cutting myself. This went on until I was nearly 16 then I met my boyfriend. I really believe that meeting him changed me and my life forever. Since then I have grown so close to my parents and my sister and I am so grateful for that. Thank you for sharing your story and know that you are not alone in what you went through.

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  5. :*(
    Thank you so much for sharing the beginning of your odyssey L.A.
    It reminded me alot of my childhood, being bullied, never really fitting in, insecurity and worst of all, my parents never understanding what I was going through.
    Everything we went through has shaped us into the fine women we are today...xoxoxoxox

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  6. wow what an amazing first part to your story. it must have been so emotional for you but we are all so glad you didn't use that knife because you're the brilliant LA and I'm sure your mum and dad are so proud of you! Its hard being a kid and growing up and finding who you are in the world but you're so lovely!
    Aimee
    x

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  7. You are so brave to write this and let others take a peek inside of LA. I love it. I appreciate it. It makes me so sad you had a sad childhood. I think all of us at some point has felt lonely or secluded. So you aren't alone in that. <333 Michelle

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  8. This is so amazing that you can share your story. I wish I could go back to little girl LA and give her a hug!

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  9. wow, i got teary :( like you said, i need to remember this story has a happy ending!! hugs.

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  10. Ugh. I think every school and every class has a L & N (and usually more). I know mine did, too, and it scarred most of my friends for a long time, too. The only reason it didn't dominate my thoughts is because I was involved in sports from an early age with a friend who went to another school, allowing me a wider range of friends, so that I didn't care as much about the ones in my own school.
    I am so sorry for your pain, and think you're incredible. Not just because of all your wonderful crafts, but for your sincerity and openness. I would love to meet you some day.

    <3 ::hugs::
    Sarah M

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  11. I look up to you and admire you for talking about this because so many other people had went through things just like that, myself included. And I still am.
    Thanks.

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  12. Powerful story, emotionally stirring. But I'm keeping your happy ending in mind. Thanks for sharing.

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  13. I'm just in awe of how brave you are for sharing your story with the online world. It seems like a whole lot of people, including myself, had very similar elementary years.
    You are so strong!
    Thanks:)

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  14. good for you Leigh-Ann to get the courage to tell your life story.
    It will probably be one of the hardest things in your life to do, but when it is all done you will feel so good to have gotten all those "skeleton's out of your closet".
    I never even knew some of these things about you and it was only chapter 1, I look forward to reading the other chapters!
    xoxox
    Michele
    ps if you need an ear to listen to you I am only a phone call away :)

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  15. LA,
    I went through this same kind of walk a while back. While
    I didn't type it all out, I imagined walking a long dusty path.
    When I got to a point in my story where I layed
    out my heart about something like you have here, I left
    a stone. Oddly enough it was a literal weight off my shoulders.
    I did not realize how heavey those stones were.
    I pray this journey is a blessing & those stones fall down & give you
    peace!
    <3

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  16. Thank you for sharing this! As someone else said, you were not alone. Elementary school is supposed to be a care-free time in one's childhood, but sometimes it is just not. I await the rest of the story!

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  17. You are the most amazing person in the world.
    I look up to you. You are my role model.
    I love you.

    Thank you for sharing.

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  18. Oh, sweetie! I wish I could hug your 10-year-old self. The only good part about today's story is that I know it has a happy ending. Kuddos to you for writing this all down and sharing it with the world. I think you are brave and beautiful (inside and out).

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  19. Sister, this was really hard for me to read! I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you more. I love you.

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  20. What a powerful post. Your experience in school echos my own. Thank you for putting a voice to a time that is so hard to wrap your mind around sometimes.

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  21. Thank you for sharing. And being brave. Oh, I remember those elementary school days - the cliques, the sometimes friends, the difficulties of fitting in and finding your place. Reading your story brought me back to those days and boy I do not ever want to go back.

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  22. It's amazing how so many of us went through similar situations, and yet felt so incredibly alone the entire time. Like yours, my childhood was lonely, frustrating, confusing, isolating, and hurtful, even with good parents and a loving family at home. Thank you for sharing your story.

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  23. Thanks so much for sharing your story, I can relate to what you went through and this brought tears to my eyes. You're so brave to share this and I admire you for that. I also went to a small school with the same kids in your class primary-9. We had one alpha-cool-girl in our class who was really, really terrible to some of us. The rest of the girls did whatever she said to be her friend. I tried for years to be accepted and never was. I started getting terrible acne when I was 11, and that led to more nasty nicknames and teasing. I accepted my label as an ugly loser very young and I still struggle with social anxiety and poor body image sometimes as a result. I can remember crying, dreading going to school only to sit there wanting to hide my face. I switched schools (had to beg the school board to let me bus to a neighboring town) after grade seven. I was hopeful that year because more kids from a smaller elementary school joined us for jr high, but the girls all fit in with the already popular clique. It was worse than ever. Switching schools was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I made new friends, met my first boyfriend, and was free from those girls. While things were changing, I was still (and still am) wary of new girls. It's truly an emotionally scarring experience and even now that I'm older, it's nice to be reminded that I wasn't alone. I look forward to reading the rest of your story. (sorry this is so long!)
    xo cait

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  24. it must have been tough to hit submit on that one, but it will speak to sooooo many people. young girls and even 32 year olds like me! i was there with you. growing up can be so lonely and hopeless. thank you for sharing.

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  25. I love that you're sharing your story here. I think so many of us can relate to being bullied, to feeling out of place and to saying things to our parents that we didn't mean. And sadly, so many of us have held that knife. You're so brave, and I can't wait to read more. Much love.

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  26. Wow! That's amazing! You are really brave to share a story like that. We all have skeletons inside our closets...

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  27. sending you hugs...and understanding all too well for myself and miss hannah...

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  28. Ooh Leigh Ann! Thank you so so much for sharing this part of your life with us. I think you are incredibly brave. Though I have gone to some of the same stuff, I am still so embarassed about it, the fear of the Loser Forever Stamp is so very much there. But then I think of how lovely your blog is and how much I admire you and think you a Way Cool Person, and it helps me heal and grow....Thank you so much.

    Your story made me cry, in a good way.

    Love from 32, Still scarred..:*(

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  29. I really admire you and your sincerity in this blog post. It takes a lot of guts - since many of us have gone through something similar but are too pained, embarrassed or ashamed to admit it. You're showing a bravery that a lot of people don't have. Thank you.

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  30. It never ceases to amaze me how much impact those "popular" girls in elementary have on the way we live our lives...it took me YEARS to get over the shame I felt from being bullied in elementary, and junior high for that matter. This totally brought tears to my eyes...actually I still have tears in my eyes...Thank you so much for sharing. Although I'm fully aware, sometimes it's nice to be reassured that I wasn't the only one who cried at recess...
    <3 Kristen

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  31. my third through sixth grade years were similar with the friends situation and then I moved to three different schools in the next three years and was the new girl in high school. The NICE new girl, though, because I wanted those healthy friendships so badly.
    Thanks for sharing this. It helps knowing how our younger years shaped who we are and how we handle things at present, and how we are sometimes working to undo some of those lies that we first believed about ourselves then.
    I love you, Leigh-Ann. This was brave.

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  32. xoxo
    I look forward to reading more. you are a strong lady!

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  33. Thank you for sharing that Leigh-Ann. I went through my own bit of torture in Elemtary and middle school, but am a better person for it. I can't wait for your next installment.

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  34. You are such a beauty. Thank you for sharing your heart. I'm going to have my 12 year old read this. She is the new girl in a 6th grade class that has also been together from the beginning. Thankfully she's been accepted, but I know there have been a couple of girls this year who have really had a hard time (these "tween" years are the worst for this sort of thing!). I want her to know the pain that the one left out feels so that she will continue to befriend the kids who are not in the "in crowd". xoxo

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  35. Me too, LA. Thank you for being so brave.

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  36. all I can say is THANK YOU so very very much for sharing! You are amazing!

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  37. Aww, LA! I just want to hug you!! Your honesty is inspiring! Thank you for your raw, candid writing here. I really am going to appreciate this series of yours.

    I too recall these emotions; the 7th & 8th grade were my awful years. I'm so sorry yours lasted throughout the period of time that is supposed to be so fun and innocent.

    Isn't it odd how very similar we all feel as kids? The guilt over hurting our parents? The desire to be in the "in crowd"? So many girls in our generation can relate so well to this.

    Love,
    O.

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  38. Leigh-Ann, I am crying here. I am really really crying. It's just so sad.
    (just a moment. I need to go take some tissues. Ok, I'm back now)
    The last paragraph makes me cry so much. I don't know what to say exactly, except for: I am so happy you are happy today ♥♥♥.

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  39. thank you for posting this!! i would have never imaged you went through that as a child and i'm glad you're brave enough to share. it gives us all inspiration in so many ways. i hope that this kind of candid realness spread throughout the blogosphere like wild fire!

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  40. WOW!! As a mom to a little 4 yr old girl who will be starting school this year, I am reminded of what a weird time in life school was for me...trying to fit in...trying to impress... worried about clothes...hair...and how many friendship bracelets are worn. Kids can be so cruel at times and I am praying my daughter will be the one to notice the girl who needs a friend, and the one to step in when someone is being bullied. You are so brave to have shared your story and I am so thankful you have because I can now better prepare my daughter for the world she is going to enter, keep an eye and ear open for any problems she may be having, and help her make good decisions about friends and class-mates. Thank you and big hugs!!!

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  41. Thanks for sharing LA. It is really brave and strong of you. I remember the cliques too well too--I was in Catholic school until 5th grade and there were only 14 kids in my class. I am a teacher now and it breaks my heart to see kids hurting. In middle school they try so hard to fit in and some of the kids can be so cruel. I wish we could hug the hurting kids, but we can't.

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  42. OMG LA I went through the same thing! I was shy as a kid and the only friend I had was a flat-out bully. The only reason she "deigned" to be my friend was bc she lived next door. But she never invited me to her birthday parties and regularly threw me over for other friends she wanted to impress. That girl was a year older than me and bc of that she got away with a lot of shit with me. So when I finally made friends with kids in my class, I was SO RELIEVED that I just kind of did whatever they wanted me to. For years I was friends with these abusive people. I was even grateful for their friendship. During high school, I threw parties whenever they wanted me to, at my parents' house while they were away. Once they had their own places, they dropped me like a bad habit and ruined my reputation. It was bewildering and still is. I'm 30 and only now starting to get over it. That kind of abuse is no joke. I'm sorry that happened to you!!! *HUG!!!*

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  43. Dear Leigh-Ann,
    I've only been reading your blog for a few months and I don't really know you but I, too, want to tell you how brave I think you are for sharing this part of your story. Like most others who have commented before me, I was a victim of bullying and abuse in school. And I also "didn't do it" because I didn't want to hurt my parents more. Big hugs from Montreal.
    Sophie

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  44. Oh gosh, you are so brave to share your stories :) I hope you'll find comfort in knowing that you aren't the only one who has gone through these terrible times in life. People--especially kids sometimes--can be so mean. I think it is harder also on people who may be introverted or a little shy because we don't want to 'bother' other people to find help. How awesome that you overcame everything that you'll be sharing, and you are the coolest girl!!!

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  45. How incredibly sad! I'm sorry you had to go through that. I was never part of the cool crowd in elementary school and I know how hard that was for me at the time, but at least I had friends to support me. Thanks for sharing this story. I can't wait to read more because I know it has a happy ending ;) We love you, LA!

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  46. Reading this instantly brought back the lonely feelings of being an outcast and falling victim to the "cool girl" dynamics myself. It's very powerful writing.

    Your honesty is SO brave and beautiful and I hope its therapeutic as well. Thank you.

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  47. Wow, thank you for sharing your story so openly. I went to a wealthy private school from first through fifth grade because my parents wanted me to go to the best school, even if it was really expensive. I had a few good friends there, but the rest were very similar to the girls you described. My parents decided to send us to Catholic school after my fifth grade year, and I was devastated until I read the good-bye note from my "best friend" which was mostly about how my clothes were ugly. We never spoke again. I found a much much better situation in my new school. I would love to say bullying didn't exist there...it definitely did, but it was nowhere near the level I had previously experienced.

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  48. OMG LA - I'm so moved by your story. I knew mean girls like that in school. I always tried not to be like that and always tried to be friendly and nice to kids that were lonely and sad and tried to include them in my little group of friends. We would have been friends :)

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  49. I want to give you big hugs as I read this.

    I come from a similar school situation (20 kids in my class through 6th grade), and I had much trouble in the transition to the big school for 7th grade. I had no good friends and pretended I was sick all the time to stay out of school.

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  50. hugs and loves to you my sweet friend. knowing that so many FABULOUS people have gone thru these same situations brings hope to me and my daughter Arly who is battling the first grade now. she too is so naive, shy and giving that she is soo easily influenced and makes poor decisions just to fit in. it breaks my heart as a parent but knowing the strength it will instill in her and joel and i as her parents is warming. prayers and unconditional love always.
    thank you so much.
    xo.
    jari

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  51. Hearing this from you made me so sad, but also made me feel so proud of who you are now. It also reminds me to be that real friend for the girl in my life now, who shares a lot of the same pain you did back then, and that I need to be there for her to help guide her down the path that you reached to be here today. I love you :-D

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  52. I am reading your blog for a long time now and I never commented, but this story blew my mind. I CAN NOT BELIEVE that I just read "my story". In my class there were also 2 "popular" girls, they humiliated me and I was trying sooo hard to fit in. I felt very alone. I was bullied for a long time before I stud up for myself - at least on the outside (deep in my hart I was soooo scared what they are going to do to me)... omg, so many memories are comming back...and they arent good ones:-(
    Now Im 30 and I often realize that this times left their marks on me. It still hurts and I still can not forgive myself for being so afraid and wanting to fit in so hard that I "sold" all my dignity. I also admire you for speaking about this so open...I am not there yet.
    I apologize for my bad grammar, but I just HAD to "talk" to you. I am sending you very warm regards and if you ever intend to visit Europe, I recommend Slovenia..you are welcomed here :-)
    Stay strong and positive!

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  53. I hope that sharing this relieves the pain you carry with you, and always remember that from pain and adversity comes strength and triumph. You are a wonderful person with so much to give to people, and you bring so much happiness to the hundreds of people that read your blog - me included. Reading that made me cry and made my heart hurt and I thank you for sharing this with us, I wish that I could know you in real life and could pop over and give you a hug and have a cuppa!

    Thank you all the way from Oz xx

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  54. It's the saddest thing, how these things effect us as kids - you shouldn't have to deal with these things when you're so little! I had really similar experiences growing up, and I can't wait to see where this odyssey leads you =)

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  55. LA, My son is in Kindergarten and I've been amazed at how click-y the girls have been. I'm so sorry you had to go through this experience.

    You deserve all the good fortune coming your way. You are a very unique young lady and your future is very bright. I am so happy to hear about your job with Elise - you are going to have the time of your life :)

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  56. You took a very brave first step today!! wow! I am not even brave enough to post my photo on my blog!! Good for you. Seriously. I had a lot of those experiences in my childhood as well. I still see the effects of those experiences in my adulhood. They are deep rooted. Thanks for sharing and inspiring. You have a special light inside of you...just go for it! :)

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  58. I admire your bravery in telling your story. I keep from telling my own because I am too worried what people thing; my family, friends, and people I have worked for. I love your blog and I love this new, real addition to it.

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  59. LA thanks for sharing your story. I am sure alot of us can relate to it. Here's a HUGE hug from England xo

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  60. Oh, miss LA! :) (sigh). I want to give you a big hug! Thanks so much for sharing your story - and I'm sending out a big mental 'phooey' brainwave to L&N's everywhere, now and then.

    My elementary school dynamic wasn't quite so extreme, but there were definitely the popular girls. And girls can be so mean, especially those with 'power' - I know firsthand, too.

    I feel for ya, lovely.
    (And I also can't wait for the next odyssey installment...)

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  61. Miss Ellie Lou5/12/2010 02:16:00 pm

    Oh, Miss LA! The easiest thing to do would have been to procrastinate a little more and keep your story bottled up... by sharing this most personal recount, you have clearly affected many people who have had similar experiences (myself included) and instantly become everything little LA wanted to be .... L+N will never achieve the amount of heart you have shared with us!!! Thank you and be proud!!!!

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  62. wow, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's really awful how kids can be, how many years later we still remember and feel the hurt. I don't know you, but I'm giving you a big hug.

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  63. thanks for sharing. i look forward to reading more about your journey.

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  64. If we weren't complete strangers I would give you the biggest hug! I cried just reading your first chapter. Kids have NO clue how powerful they are in helping to shape all of us as our adult selves. I can't even begin to think about how you must have felt because when I was in elementary school, it was so large. But middle school was horrible and as a Straight A student I grasped at anything to fit in. We all have a dark part of us that makes us beautiful later on I'm so glad you let your sunshine beam out from your heart. I know that's totally cheezit-tastic but really it's easy to let the bad things take over; it's hard to become a happy person and let good things happen for you.

    YOU DID IT! and you are so lovely and inspiring :)

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  65. Stories and honesty like yours are so important, especially in the bloggy world where we can paint ourselves to be anything we want. So often we only share what we want others to see in the hopes to seem perfect or all put together. I feel like that is such a disservice to each other. We have the power to encourage and raise each other up by being really real and allowing our little bits of human brokeness to be seen. Thank you so much for being real, your story will be a light to all of us who have similar stories :)

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  66. So incredibly brave!
    I'm so in awe of your honesty!
    Thank you!!
    I'm looking forward to chapter two.
    xox

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  67. So brave of you to share LA. You have a wonderful way with words.

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  68. karen (in Colorado)5/13/2010 11:12:00 pm

    Dearest LA, I love that you shared this part of your life. Although very painful, I know that I can SO relate to your story, and guess what, so can LOTS AND LOTS of other women. And really I think of us are shaped by it, for good and sometimes bad.

    I will be 47 in June and I STILL have very painful memories of grade school. From being bullied, lonely, no friends, just not fitting in. Really all of my school years, I just didn't fit in.

    I used those experiences to help shape my three kids lives, to make sure they always put themselves in the other persons shoes. While my kids aren't perfect (eww that is boring) my kids are genuinely some of the nicest people you could ever meet. I know they never said hurtful things to class mates, or bullied or whatever. That really has to start at home, teaching your children not only to be kind and considerate, but also to stand up for themselves!

    Wow, this is long winded! But as usual, I love what you share, love you, love how you carry yourself, love how you share it with all of us!!

    xo
    Karen (Denver)

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  69. POWERFUL!!!!!! Great read. I was with you. I was feeling your pain. I can remember the same mean girls and I also remember turning into one and doing things that went so against my nature. I drank and used drugs to numb the pain of it all and become less of a human and more "TUFF". Problem was MY LIGHT SHINED SO BRIGHT AND WAS SOOOOO MUCH MORE POWERFUL and I got sober;) 11 years later. Authentically living happily.
    I love you and I read your blog daily.
    Write a book. The world needs your words. There is a lot of bullying out in the world. Our children need your experience to draw upon. They need to know there is more to life than the mean girls.....
    Keep up the BRAVE work!

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  70. Thank you for sharing. I think a lot of girls go through this "friendship" situation with other girls, especially in grammar and high school. In sixth grade I had to transfer to a private school and there were the "cool" girls who I really wanted to be friends with and of course in the end, it didn't work out and they ended up stabbing me in the back. I also know what it feels like to be lonely. Hugs to you for sharing this with us!!

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  71. I just found this post through another blog and it made me cry because it reminded me so much of my youth. To bad all of us outsiders didn't live in the same neighborhood growing up. I'm sure we would have all ended up the best of friends like they did on tv. Hugs to you hon and thank you for sharing this part of your life with us.

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  72. thank you for sharing. as a girl who also grew up in a small town, where you graduated high school with the exact same kids you started kindergarten with, i can really relate to what you wrote and how you felt. it was difficult to read because parts were so similar, i felt like i was reading my own past! looking forward to the next chapter!:)

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  73. I can definitely understand feeling awkward and out of place, especially around the "pretty popular girls". I was home-schooled and every time I was around kids my own age, I just felt so out of place. My brother didn't want me to be around them either. So, like you, I spent most of my growing up years in my room with my dolls, sewing, or reading books. The books about lonely girls that find that one boy who makes them popular and wonderful.

    The funny thing is even being married and in college now, I still find myself looking at the ground when those "blonde popular" type girl walk by me.

    I find that self-confidence grows with each and every step I take out of my comfort zone.

    <3 Rachael

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  74. Thank you for sharing. I am sure that digging up painful things like this will help answer questions your parents may have had and also help heal your feelings. I am also sure that you are helping educate others about childhood issues that can so very complex and confusing. I think the time you spend digging inward will benefit parents today and may even prevent similar situations from occurring. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

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  75. I'm proud of who you have become today and being able to share your story with us. I think we've all gone through times like that one time or another. I know I have.

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  76. I can't believe the bullying started at such a young age at your school. This story breaks my heart. I'm glad that teachers and administrators are starting to open their eyes to the dangers and seriousness of bullying, it is an awful, terrible thing that can take away a child's innocence. I'm so sorry that happened to you, how brave of you for telling this story.

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