oh May 17th
the day I got married. It's the date that annually and automatically reminds me of my fail, along with the empty dip on my ring finger, the Mr. & Mrs. junk mail that still comes and my last name that I try not to use. The pictures have all been burned except one, but the day is hauntingly clear in my memory and I still have dreams and nightmares about the life I used to have.
The day always gets easier when Mom phones because she remembers what the date means too. I say hello and she says, "I love you Sweetheart". Her voice is the perfect cure and then we talk for a while and she takes my mind off of the obvious :)
It's probably weird to talk about it still but I'm trying to be more real here and I know there's others out there who share the same annual reminder and regret. You're not alone, I still think about it too. I wonder if someday I'll pass May 17th and forget what it used to mean. Do you think about that too?
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[ It's hard to share these sides of myself because I don't ever want people to feel bad for me; that makes me want to hide it. I share because I want those that have experienced the same things to not feel alone. Loneliness is really yucky, I'm here for you. I love you Sweetheart. ]