tonight, i dreamed.

Note to Momma and Manda. I can't wait to tell you this! Mom, I almost called you at midnight. Note2: I'm writing this the way my brain thinks it. Sorry if it's crazyspagetti. If you were my sister, and we were on the phone...this is how I'd tell you. (And we'd make up combo words along the way.) Ok. It has almost been a year since. And since then, I have lived day to day. With no long term plans. Last November, all the dreams I had were suddenly gone, and I was afraid of starting new ones, especially with someone. I wondered and worried if i'd ever put my trust in future again. Hopes, dreams and goals. Plans scared me to death. But tonight it happened. IT HAPPENED! Keith and I were talking and all of a sudden I realized, I was dreaming! For real. And I was excited and smiling thinking about future things for us. We were dreaming & planning, and I was wanting to set goals so we could get there! This is a really big deal to me. I haven't stopped smiling since! I am so excited that I'm dreaming again! Planning! Thinking about futurrrrrre! I've decided a lot of things today. I don't want to do Freckled Nest as a career. I want it to be a part of my life still. But in a mega different way. Here's a drastic example: I'm thinking the supplies (ie. currently the master bedroom of our house) are going to be downsized and contained to a tall shelf and a maybe 2 rubbermaids. I love Freckled Nest, but I've come to a point in my life... where I'm ready to walk without these crutches. That doesn't make sense to you probably, but it's the perfect analogy to me. I'm gonna go get a 3/4 time job in 2 weeks. That is my timeline because this week, I want to finish putting everything I've made in the shop and 2) after that: I'm overhauling the house. Spring cleaning... 2 seasons late. Then, when I start my new job, I'll be caught up on everything. Sidebar: I have 4 job ideas. Work at Keith's work as a driver. Be a waitress. Work at a thrift store. Be a grocery store cashier. (i love being a cashier... organizing the purchases into bags and playing cash register). We'll see. Back to my apifany. Which i don't know how to spell. So anyways. Here's my new goals that came from this dreaming! I'm totally impulsive and should really think these thru. But I need to get it out....they're bouncing around in my head like Pong. Oh, i love that word. Pong. Ok. - Clean our house mega style! AND MINIMIZE Amanda style! - Downsize my craft stuff to what i need and use. Get rid of the "i might need this for that" supplies and let go of things. QUESTION. What should I do with all this stuff? There is a LOT. - Get good at keeping the house clean. - Trade kitchen tables with Amanda. - Paint Kitchen. - Have lots more fun times together... before kids. - Move our room to the big room and make the other room available for future. (Yes, a child. No. I am not pregnant, nor will i be for years. But I'm just planning the house layout. Amanda: This is probably going to need blueprints. To scale. With a suzy.). - Mentally transition Freckled Nest to a hobby instead of career. - go on a tropical vacation - Pay off remaining debt. - Renovate outside of house. Roof. Paint. Flowers. Steps. De-witch. - Live more minimally. Not to the severity of Amanda, but "with less". Here's the revelation that started this whole thing. I don't like doing Freckled Nest full time as much as I thought I would. BUT I really needed to do it to figure it out for myself. If the orders flowed in like Milk and Honey (what a funny phrase)... I'd be fine. But what i've always enjoyed most= is taking it as it comes. And as a career, that's just not possible. I used to want Freckled Nest to reach the ears of Oprah...and now I could care less. I've realized the thing I like most is just making cool stuff and selling it soooo I can make more stuff. That's why I started Freckled Nest in the first place...to resupply more supplies :) I got to do my dream. Create 5 days a week, full time and give it the shot I'd dreamed of. Keith gave me the most loving and amazing gift I've ever received. With no rules or what-ifs or buts or conditions...he said: "I believe in you Leigh-Ann. And I want you to see your dreams come true." And I quit my full time job and went for it. And I've pretty much not made much money doing it full time (i just fibbed and said it was going good because I'm like that...pride i guess. lol) And Keith has completely taken care of everything ($) along the way... and it's been tight. And he just said, "Keep going. Don't worry. I'm happy to do it and make these sacrifices. You are talented and I believe in you." He never once suggested I get a 'real job' or work it a different way, etc. He just kept supporting me! WOW! Like seriously! He's so precious! I had the--- Sidebar: it's 12:42am and Keith's talking in his sleep. And I'm giggling. I had the chance to do it! And I worked really hard. And I can keep doing it if I want. But I'm ready to move on. I needed to have the chance to do this before I could think of doing anything else. And I did. I've experienced what I need to. And it was great. I thought I'd wanna do it forever. But I am cool now. Just to fill you in: Keith and I are together forever. We're meant to be. Tonight, I dreamed. I want to be a mom. That is my new dream. Wow. I'm crying. I've never said that without being pressured or feeling like I had to because it was "that stage" or that it might fix something. I just said it cause I'm ready. I'm finally ready. Thank you Keith for everything you are. I love you entirely. Forever. Your continuous love, support and patience with what I've went thru and dealt with over the past year, has shown me so many incredible things about you, your character and faithful love. You are the reason I'm dreaming. I trust you. I didn't think I'd ever trust again. My love for you is so strong. One day we will have a baby. Mwah! And if you were my sister, i'd tell you about the hot sex afterwards. ;)

19 comments:

  1. Wow. You go girl. I'm so happy for you. You have a plan. I'm glad you know what you want to do. Don't let anyone hold you back now. Good luck with it and I hope you do keep some FN around because I just found you and while I'm not rich either and can't spend mega cash I do like to order from you when I can. You're very talented but I can understand needing a steady cashflow if you want to have a child in the future. I'm there now. Great stuff.

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  2. well, i have to second with everything sandy said. :)
    also, you have such a wonderful man!
    love ya partner!!!

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  3. I'm happy for you that you're sorting through all these feelings. You know I'm on the other side of the fence while keeping a half time job and spending what time I can on Urban Nostalgia.

    I hope you find a job that is simple but happy. I'm totally voting for working at the trift store (SORTING IN THE BACK). Let's make a deal....lol

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  4. This is the sweetest most inspiring post! I can't wait to see you move forward with all your goals-how fun!

    I just went through my craft room yesterday and got rid of all those extra and "someday" supplies. I filled THREE big bins and one more just with paper. WOW. I'm donating it all to an after school program.

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  5. Isn't life great when you can decide which way you want to move forward? I second that Tropical vacation! Hugs

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  6. Wow! What a post! How wonderful that he came along and helped you become the person you want to be, the couple you didn't even know you could be, the life you wanted to live. Hurray for you both.

    And who's Amanda the minimalist? Does she blog? If so, I must check her out. I need a little boost in that direction! Help!

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  7. Wow LA. That was incredible. I really hope and pray that you will do all of this and have a very gorgeous future baby! :)

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  8. Lots of hugs & prayers for you my friend! Your excitment burst from the screen ~ it's good to see.

    (((L.A.)))
    ~Kris
    jehmen at sbcglobal dot com

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  9. ((((Hugs))))
    XOXOXOXOXOXO

    Love Momma

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  10. ahhhh!!!! LA!!! I am SO happy for you!!

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  11. the last part (before mwah) I read as "once a day we will have a baby". That's why you don't skim things, or you will get the wrong impression. Funny.

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  12. you have me in tears of joy for you LA!! i am so happy for you! you are so inspiring! hugs!!

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  13. This post is just so awesome LA! Seriously, I am getting all teary and sappy for you!
    xo
    Laura

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  14. This is great... Just great!
    I love you... and this makes me smile. I know what ever you do you will be happy. And a little LA or Keith would make you and hims so happy. I love you both together.

    I love your goals and your dreams... It reminds me to keep up on mine.

    Thank you for all you do.

    Sidebar: I think you should sell the craft stuff in etsy... (because I might want some...lol) You could make little packs of stuff.

    Another Sidebar: Please don't give up on your blog. I really love reading it. I might not comment right away but I read it on my phone pretty much RIGHT after you do it.

    LOVE YOU AGAIN....

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  15. woah... okay so i just read this and i know you've posted a few since posting this, so i hope you find my comment. but i just want to tell you how much i admire your honesty and your "transparency". i started reading your blog a year ago (can't believe it's been that long). and really because i enjoyed reading about you and your life. and i felt this kind of connection with you because you were so open about your life. and then your talent inspired me in my own creativity. so i just wanted to say that to you... thanks for being you. i love who you are. and it's amazing to see how happy you are with keith.

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  16. absolutely fantastic!! so happy for you...i was once in a similar situation. it's so great when life turns out the way it was supposed to - especially when trust makes a comeback :)

    elizabeth
    elizabeth.rosemond@gmail.com
    elizabethrosemond.typepad.com

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  17. simply beautiful!!! luck and love on your journey!

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