tonight, i dreamed.

Note to Momma and Manda. I can't wait to tell you this! Mom, I almost called you at midnight. Note2: I'm writing this the way my brain thinks it. Sorry if it's crazyspagetti. If you were my sister, and we were on the phone...this is how I'd tell you. (And we'd make up combo words along the way.) Ok. It has almost been a year since. And since then, I have lived day to day. With no long term plans. Last November, all the dreams I had were suddenly gone, and I was afraid of starting new ones, especially with someone. I wondered and worried if i'd ever put my trust in future again. Hopes, dreams and goals. Plans scared me to death. But tonight it happened. IT HAPPENED! Keith and I were talking and all of a sudden I realized, I was dreaming! For real. And I was excited and smiling thinking about future things for us. We were dreaming & planning, and I was wanting to set goals so we could get there! This is a really big deal to me. I haven't stopped smiling since! I am so excited that I'm dreaming again! Planning! Thinking about futurrrrrre! I've decided a lot of things today. I don't want to do Freckled Nest as a career. I want it to be a part of my life still. But in a mega different way. Here's a drastic example: I'm thinking the supplies (ie. currently the master bedroom of our house) are going to be downsized and contained to a tall shelf and a maybe 2 rubbermaids. I love Freckled Nest, but I've come to a point in my life... where I'm ready to walk without these crutches. That doesn't make sense to you probably, but it's the perfect analogy to me. I'm gonna go get a 3/4 time job in 2 weeks. That is my timeline because this week, I want to finish putting everything I've made in the shop and 2) after that: I'm overhauling the house. Spring cleaning... 2 seasons late. Then, when I start my new job, I'll be caught up on everything. Sidebar: I have 4 job ideas. Work at Keith's work as a driver. Be a waitress. Work at a thrift store. Be a grocery store cashier. (i love being a cashier... organizing the purchases into bags and playing cash register). We'll see. Back to my apifany. Which i don't know how to spell. So anyways. Here's my new goals that came from this dreaming! I'm totally impulsive and should really think these thru. But I need to get it out....they're bouncing around in my head like Pong. Oh, i love that word. Pong. Ok. - Clean our house mega style! AND MINIMIZE Amanda style! - Downsize my craft stuff to what i need and use. Get rid of the "i might need this for that" supplies and let go of things. QUESTION. What should I do with all this stuff? There is a LOT. - Get good at keeping the house clean. - Trade kitchen tables with Amanda. - Paint Kitchen. - Have lots more fun times together... before kids. - Move our room to the big room and make the other room available for future. (Yes, a child. No. I am not pregnant, nor will i be for years. But I'm just planning the house layout. Amanda: This is probably going to need blueprints. To scale. With a suzy.). - Mentally transition Freckled Nest to a hobby instead of career. - go on a tropical vacation - Pay off remaining debt. - Renovate outside of house. Roof. Paint. Flowers. Steps. De-witch. - Live more minimally. Not to the severity of Amanda, but "with less". Here's the revelation that started this whole thing. I don't like doing Freckled Nest full time as much as I thought I would. BUT I really needed to do it to figure it out for myself. If the orders flowed in like Milk and Honey (what a funny phrase)... I'd be fine. But what i've always enjoyed most= is taking it as it comes. And as a career, that's just not possible. I used to want Freckled Nest to reach the ears of Oprah...and now I could care less. I've realized the thing I like most is just making cool stuff and selling it soooo I can make more stuff. That's why I started Freckled Nest in the first place...to resupply more supplies :) I got to do my dream. Create 5 days a week, full time and give it the shot I'd dreamed of. Keith gave me the most loving and amazing gift I've ever received. With no rules or what-ifs or buts or conditions...he said: "I believe in you Leigh-Ann. And I want you to see your dreams come true." And I quit my full time job and went for it. And I've pretty much not made much money doing it full time (i just fibbed and said it was going good because I'm like that...pride i guess. lol) And Keith has completely taken care of everything ($) along the way... and it's been tight. And he just said, "Keep going. Don't worry. I'm happy to do it and make these sacrifices. You are talented and I believe in you." He never once suggested I get a 'real job' or work it a different way, etc. He just kept supporting me! WOW! Like seriously! He's so precious! I had the--- Sidebar: it's 12:42am and Keith's talking in his sleep. And I'm giggling. I had the chance to do it! And I worked really hard. And I can keep doing it if I want. But I'm ready to move on. I needed to have the chance to do this before I could think of doing anything else. And I did. I've experienced what I need to. And it was great. I thought I'd wanna do it forever. But I am cool now. Just to fill you in: Keith and I are together forever. We're meant to be. Tonight, I dreamed. I want to be a mom. That is my new dream. Wow. I'm crying. I've never said that without being pressured or feeling like I had to because it was "that stage" or that it might fix something. I just said it cause I'm ready. I'm finally ready. Thank you Keith for everything you are. I love you entirely. Forever. Your continuous love, support and patience with what I've went thru and dealt with over the past year, has shown me so many incredible things about you, your character and faithful love. You are the reason I'm dreaming. I trust you. I didn't think I'd ever trust again. My love for you is so strong. One day we will have a baby. Mwah! And if you were my sister, i'd tell you about the hot sex afterwards. ;)