pocket full

Hi. I thought I wouldn't want to blog for a while, but for me, this is just so therapeutic and natural. A way to sort my jumbled thoughts. I feel like Posie Gets Cozy. Just over a month ago, she sadly lost her best friend, her dog Audrey, and it was traggic. I cried reading her heartbreak, and I sent her my love. Sadly now, I'm feeling the same loss and pain. Oh my lovely friends. I'm snotty-faced after reading everyones kind words. Tyson and I held hands tight, as we read together, each comment from my last 2 posts. Thank you so much for your love. Some of you I don't even know and still, your words brought joy. And to my friends, simply, Thank-You. I love you. I've been crying so much my face is bursting blood vessels. I miss him so much. Today was incredibly hard for all of us. I'm wearing Grandpas t-shirt right now and enjoying his good Grandpa smell. Grandpa didn't want a funeral, but we spent time with him this morning in his hospital room. The nursing staff was so good to us. At the end, we all left the room and gave everyone a chance to go in and say our goodbyes. Just us and Grandpa. I was finally able to crawl into bed and cuddle with my grandpa one last time. I squeezed him tight. We talked. I rubbed his earlobes. I kissed him so much. From me, from Tyson, from me, from my future babies, from me, from me, from me... lol, I just didn't want to leave him. I got up to leave the room, and giggled. Ah screw it, he needs more kisses still...and so I loaded him up till we meet at our 'next destination' ;) I'll leave you with our nice story... When we walked into Grandpas room this morning, (room 326... which happens to be his birthday, Jan THIRD ninteenTWENTYSIX) {it was totally hard. I can't go into that.} Anyways-- Grandma and Aunt Sharleen went up to Grandpa, to make sure he's comfortable... and they look to see what was in his t-shirt chest pocket. Maybe a message from the nightime? There was a used kleenex. Grandma removed it, and gently replaced it with 2 new ones, and said "he's going to need these". Later, while emptying Grandpas nighttable, Gran found one of Grandpa's half eaten Aero chocolate bars. She said, here Shawn (my dad), you eat this :) Sitting beside my dad, he offered me a piece of his chocolate bar. I said, Yes. My last piece of Grandpas chocolate. Dad started crying, he walked up to Grandpa, and put the remainder in Grandpas chest pocket. I lost it. (these gifts will all be in his ashes) Later, when each saying goodbye, Kody put a small roll of wire in Grandpa's chest pocket... "Something for him to do," Kody smiled. Uncle Gerry put in a newspaper clipping of the baseball scores. Tomorrow, (at the viewing) I have a few special pictures for his pocket; family and memories. Special treasures that Grandpa loves. His chest pocket, a little happy gift for Our Best. We all loved this. Grandpa totally does too. We just know this. Goodnight. Thank you for everything Everyone. Love Leigh-Ann A Thank-You from Kody, my brother.
the brother said...

as i was reading through all the kind remarks i came to realize what great friends my sister has THANK YOU everyone for your love and support it is much needed and much appreciated FYI i've already taken over grandpas position and blamed my fluffs on him when LA got mad at me for letting one go, well letting a couple go

September 27, 2007 9:54 PM

10 comments:

  1. (crying while i read that)
    that was such a nice story you wrote there. very touching la.
    i´m sure you will have many many good memories from your granfather.

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  2. I don't even know what to say, Leigh Ann, more than just I love you, girl. Thinking of you today.

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  3. *crying too :)*
    Thank you so much for sharing that with us Leigh-Ann.
    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

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  4. oh LA, as I sit here crying at my desk before starting the day you fill my thoughts & my heart. peace be with you today & always sweet.

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  5. I am sitting at work today.... and I am crying as I read your wonderful story... I work at a mall so people I am sure are wondering whats wrong with me. But Leigh-Ann I want you to know that I am so VERY sorry for your loss and I know how hard it is to lose someone that you are so very close to...

    Hugs...

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  6. what an amazing way to say goodbye to an amazing man. You are so authentic is the way you show love and the way you are now saying goodbye to such an important person. The memories are going to be so rich - so rich

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  7. Heather Wilson9/28/2007 11:11:00 am

    tears filled my eyes as I read about your goodbye, still praying for you and your family. God has placed you on my heart in a BIG way last night and this morning.

    I hope you find the blessing in this LA, as everything happens for a reason...

    Love, Heather Wilson

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  8. So the husband says "why are you crying" ... and I stop reading. "I'll finish reading this later", I said. I told him that I was reading about LA's grandpa, to which he says, "oh". He knows how hard stuff like this is for me. I have no Dad. I have no Mom. And LA, you touched a memory of my Dad--he too didn't want a service. It was hard for all those around him to understand, but harder for me because I made sure his wishes were respected. I am so proud of him and of your grandpa -- for men who shaped our world, who worked hard, who loved, toiled, and enjoyed family and friends and life. He was and is still so proud of you LA. God speed over the next while, while your heart churns to his loss.

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  9. I read the "Thank you from Kody" and I just want to say:
    "Well, Kody, someone has to keep up the tradition :)"
    With my grandfather and father it was insane comments and jokes out of nowhere that would make your eyes roll...it seems I've carried on that tradition in my family.

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  10. happy tears fill my eyes as I type this message, what a beautiful goodbye from you and your family. so touching and moving. may you be able to cherish the wonderful memories of your grandfather to get you through your loss.
    *so sweet to live a life with love ones and to be loved :)
    remember he may be physically gone but he will never be forgotten :)
    xo
    vee

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